Tuesday, May 27, 2014

A Look Ahead. A new look, Homeschool, TTC

Hooray! I finally changed my blog title. Thank goodness! I really had long felt that the old title no longer fit my season of life. I will always consider myself an 'infertile.' My life is changed by that journey of infertility, miscarriage, and longing for pregnancy, but I'm now a mother and that dominates my daily life. We plan to begin trying to conceive a third child in December (I'll begin preparing in September), but even then my life will be primarily concerned with mothering the two boys I already have.

In other news, I will be getting the results of Gabriel's developmental clinic evaluation on June 5th. Not that far away! I really tried to glean some information from the psychologist who called me to make the appointment, but he wasn't falling for it. I did ask how long the appointment would take and he said they usually take about an hour. If there's nothing 'wrong' and he's completely neurotypical then it wouldn't take an hour to tell me that, right? right?! It's not that I want something to be wrong, it's just that I really want help. I don't want his behavior to be a result of my parenting. Not because I don't want the guilt, but because I don't really know how to parent any differently. We need help. We need services.  At this point, the best thing would be for him to be diagnosed with something so we could get help.

On a positive note, Friday was the last day of preschool. YAY! I'm looking forward to G attending pre-k next year, but right now he needs the break. I became convinced we just would not be able to potty train while he was in school, and even without PT school was becoming very stressful for him. On Sunday each week he'd finally be his wonderful self.  That would last until about Wednesday and then behavior problems would start again. I'm glad we're done with that for a while.  Our first few summer days of homeschooling and potty training have been going very well. Right now with schoolwork we are just working on writing.  I purchased a complete curriculum workbook designed for a 3yr old preschooler knowing it would be a bit below his level to boost his confidence and so we could just focus on writing.  These last two months of 'I don't want to go to school' have really done some damage and while I don't think Gabriel thinks he's stupid, I'm not sure he realizes how smart he is. I presume it's hard when everyone else in the class can write and hold a pencil and you can't. I got a variety of pencil grips off ebay and we've been doing great with the grotto grip. He's only done a few days of work with me and I've already seen a lot of improvement. We only do 12-15minutes a day. I know that's not much, but he's really not interested in school work and I'd rather work every day for a small amount of time than work a lot in the beginning and then he soon refuses to do anything. I've also noticed that his fingers get tired even in that small amount of time. I feel even more convinced that he has hypotonia like we initially thought and it's the reason for his poor fine motor skills. 

Potty Training Sticker Chart!
I feel like I've written a novel already, but I have to share a bit of my baby fever. I'm enjoying working out and my body feeling so small and strong, but I really do want another child. I'm sure I'll love being pregnant when it happens, but it will be more about the miracle that will soon be with me rather than the miracle growing inside me. I've started seeing the number 111 all around.  I made a motivational potty training sticker chart for Gabriel and it had 111 squares for stickers.  Then I ordered some TMNT stickers for it and when they arrived I saw they totalled exactly 111 stickers. From then on, I started noticing that number on the clock, price tags, and page numbers. I haven't stopped seeing it. While I was preparing to write this post I saw I'd already written 111 posts on the blog. It's really everywhere! I decided to go on the internet and find some kind of interpretation of those numbers. At first I was scared by it because I saw the number one often symbolized new beginnings, being alone, single parenthood or starting your own business. My DH drives so much I always have a fear of losing him in a car accident. I was afraid this was a terrible omen that I'd soon be starting over as a single mother, but after thinking about it more I realized it didn't really fit. I'm seeing three 1's. Why do I see 111? The number three symbolizes laughter, amusement, new friends, attracting love, sexual expression and creativity. I know it's all just a coincidence and probably doesn't mean anything, but I think this number means I will conceive a third son. Another strong, beautiful, independent boy. Three ones.  I'm hoping it also means I'll conceive in the first month of the year, but I think I've read into this irrelevant frivolity enough. LOL.

That's all for now! We will receive Gabriel's diagnosis or lack thereof in a few days and I'll at least be reporting the results to twitter if not on here.