Saturday, February 4, 2012

The ways January 2012 tried to kill my family.

While January didn't kill my baby, it took glee in letting me know he or she was gone. New Years day. 9am. January didn't waste any time. It had a lot to put me through and no sense doing any of that ridiculous foreboding or dropping breadcrumbs, that was up to December. It was January's time to grab a baseball bat and get down to business.

While January absolutely would kick me while I was down, there was no sense doing it right away. I was so deep in mourning I wouldn't have noticed. What's the fun in torturing me if I'm nearly unconscious with grief.  New Years day was a Sunday.  I did get my first chest cold in over a decade on Tuesday, and my bank account overdrew on Thursday.  On Friday I went in to pour my heart out to the bank teller to get my fees reversed, to find out I'd scared the crap out of the 11 weeks pregnant bank teller. The first few things may have been predictable, but that last one was a nice touch. What were the chances that would happen? January was sneaky, mischievous, and creative.

At that point, I still didn't know my enemy. I thought this singular, terrible thing had happened, and I was just living out the many consequences. Being completely ignored by my normally close and supportive extended family, the looks of pity from my friends and coworkers, and the sighs of boredom from those who came to listen but grew tired of slogging through my complex feelings, I thought all these were natural things everyone had to go through.

January 16th, about halfway through, my son has his followup allergist appointment. January lets me think it went really well, but it was just a setup for another slam.  I'd been so concerned about having my young toddler on a high dose of daily zyrtec for seasonal and food allergy prevention, and was really pleased that we were going to move to using it as needed instead of daily. Ds is off it all week until Saturday night. He's going to his sitters on Sunday who has dogs. All week leading up to sunday he's just getting more and more cranky. On Friday I'd already decided to take him to the pediatricians. Of course it was in the back of my mind that he needed to be on the zyrtec, but I knew we could be dealing with ear infection, cold, etc. And I was also hoping maybe it was some sort of withdrawal that he could pull through. But it's the weekend (how is NOT the calenders fault that it's the weekend? And people think I'm crazy. sheesh) and we have to wait until Monday.

By Monday, we go from 'enh, maybe we should get the pedi's opinion' to 'this kid needs a doctor!' He was wheezing heavy, remaining winded, and just having all sorts of breathing difficulty. Oh January, I know now you were zeroing in on your next target. That day he gets put on daily singular. The plan is to have this medication instead of zyrtec. On Tuesday we're back at the pediatricians. The breathing isn't better at all, and it's clear much more aggressive action needs to be taken. I leave with prescriptions for a nebulizer that we can't afford to get, an inhaler with toddler torture chamber attachment, and prednizone. HA! Have you ever had a kid on prednizone? Have you? Was he almost 2? One day we had a 3hr long tantrum. 3 hours of kicking and screaming! Did I mention that was the week we were visiting preschools? DH was still working, and I was still recovering from my miscarriage and chest cold.

Simultaneously, our carbon monoxide detector is going off. It started going off repeatedly over the weekend, but we couldn't afford to call the emergency number and be evacuated. We knew it was most likely related to the construction work we had done in early December. For reasons unknown to me (but known to January, I'm sure) my husband didn't call the contractor on Monday. I didn't either. After I woke in the early afternoon from working 3rd shift the previous night, I rushed my suffocating son to the doctors office and then was overwhelmed with info and forgot. I called first thing on Tuesday. They got back to me Tuesday night, and set up to come out first thing Wednesday morning. So, yes, we knew we had a carbon monoxide leak on a weekend, and didn't do anything about it until Wednesday. Shrug, I was so beaten down by life at this point I don't think I cared. I was actually kind of relieved. I had figured out it was January who was trying to kills us, and I was happy it was at least moving on to global killers. At least we would all go together. (apparently, a sub-contractor didn't realize we had two furnaces and blocked off the venting for our downstairs furnace. They will fix at no charge. No heat for 4 days, but it's a reasonably warm winter.)

On the 29th, my husband choked on a piece of lettuce. Not choking where you get scared for a second and then cough uncontrollably as you struggle to tell people you're fine kind of choking, but gagging, wretching, extended choking followed by profuse vomiting as two chunks were stuck in the back of his throat. Can I say that I was relieved afterwards? I'd realized he was the only one January had not yet directly assaulted, and I'd spent the last few days imagining car accidents and listening to police sirens.  He'd experienced his attack and survived. Phew.

At this point I was just trying to get through my days. I randomly started crying at any moment, and I totally get it now when people give up and do the whole murder suicide thing. I'm too stubborn for that, but I get it. You reach this new level of universal understanding.  You see your place in the universe and it brings about this indescribable hopeless feeling.

But, HA!, I can't say that I won or even that we all survived it, but it's over.  February has been SO great. DS is totally better. I joined a gym with free childcare and ds and I both love going there. Ds is going to start a preschool Monday. We're moving on and discovering our new normal. Supposedly I'm finishing up my first period and we'll see if I begin ovulating normally again. We're looking towards the future.

1 comment:

  1. January is a hateful month.

    I'm glad to see you've survived and hopefully February and March are much better for you.

    [hugs]

    ReplyDelete