Sunday, November 6, 2011

My boy's growing up!

An hour into 10DPO. Of course I tested this afternoon, 9DPO and it was bfn. I'm not upset and still have lots of hope. It's either too early or I'm not pregnant, same situation I was in before I tested! No real symptoms, but that makes sense since I don't have enough HCG to turn a test positive.  Most likely I'll test every day till AF shows.

Working third shift tonight, and the time change makes it 9 hours. Super nervous because tomorrow is the first time I'm letting my son be watched by a non-parent. We're paying a trusted friend to watch him regularly from 9-1pm on sundays so I can sleep. Otherwise I have to watch him all day, and then work all night again sunday night. I've done it since january and I'm ready for a break. I'm worried the exhausting weekends are effecting my fertility. I'm terrified to leave him. I think IF really changes the way you parent. At 19 months old he's never been watched for more than 3 hours by anyone besides myself or my husband. I'm with him all day, and I get up with him every night except the two nights a week I'm working. Not looking for a medal. In fact, I don't think it's that difficult. I've never understood mom's who 'just needed a break.'  Don't get me wrong, the first newborn weeks were hellish, but after doing that on my own I never minded getting up two or three times a night. Makes me sad that my boy is ready to be without me.  We've tested leaving him with friends for an hour or 2 a few times and he barely notices we left! I never pictured having an only child, or watching my child grow up alone. I wince everytime someone says he's an 'only child'. I hope to make him a big brother soon enough!

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