|CD37 all taken at the same time. Top is the First Response|
I seriously blame me not knowing my exact ovulation day on diet sodas. I've been drinking so many damn diet sodas that it's difficult to get a concentrated urine sample. It's hard to hold it for 3hrs! I ended up always testing too early at 4pm when 10pm is a much more accurate testing time for me. After the miscarriage I was so disgusted with my body that I feel like I tried to poison it. I indulged in sugar, alcohol, diet soda(still aspartame free), and all the things I'd given up in august in preparation to conceive a healthy baby in November. Since we conceived on our first try for the first time in my life, I thought it'd worked! Experiencing a failed pregnancy made me think it was all for nothing, and learning that my body had again failed to realize the pregnancy was lost made me feel even worse. So many women experience chemical pregnancies or miscarry before 6 weeks, but I keep getting strung along, even seeing heartbeats, and believing that my pregnancy will be a success before A DOCTOR finally has to force my body to miscarry long after the baby is lost. It's hard not to hate my body for this. In fact, before I ovulated when there was no sign of AF, I admit I did hate it and said it aloud. I thought it often. It was really a terrible way to feel and it made me think about all the women with eating disorders or obesity who hate their bodies. I've never known what it's like and now I do. I hope I never feel that way again and always feel like my body is capable of mistakes, but also capable of improvement. I guess now that I write this I realize I was describing hopelessness. I assure you, it was terrible.
|All grown up!|
|In other news, this guy got a haircut this week|